Big Girl Pill Read online

  Re-establishing her relationship with her cousin had been one of the best decisions she’d made in the past few years. Since they had reconnected at Rachel’s mother’s funeral, of all places, there was also the great side effect to hanging out with Rachel of aggravating her mother, who didn’t care much for her cousin and didn’t like Nina hanging out with her. Rachel had come out at seventeen, and within days, Nina’s mother had facilitated their estrangement. Sarah Sterling’s words echoed still in Nina’s mind: “It just wouldn’t do to have a lesbian babysit an impressionable ten-year-old. What would people think?” They’d think she was pretty cool, Nina was sure.

  These days, Rachel was made of sterner stuff. When Sarah Sterling dropped veiled insults and innuendoes, Rachel called her out on it, something glorious to watch. Nina looked forward to it and she hoped some of her cousin’s strong will would rub off on her, like what had happened in college with Maya. So far, though, she had to settle for being sass adjacent.

  She scanned the crowd again to find Rachel, but wasn’t having much luck. She texted instead. Where r u? While she waited for a response, she glanced from her cell to the people around her then back again. Fortunately, her phone vibrated, as the chime was swallowed by the noise.

  In the middle of 10 billion ppl @ baggage claim trying2 push my way closer. Smells like Doritos & Axe Body Spray. Gross.

  Some of that spray smells pretty good. Nina grinned as she typed.

  You of course would think that.

  Nina craned her neck, again looking around. I still don’t c u. Signal or somthng.

  FFS do u want me to get on somebody’s shoulders & sing?

  I dare u.

  Don’t tempt me. Looks like I’m on the side close 2 car rentals.

  Ok. Nina veered left and pushed her way through until she found her target. Compared to some of the people milling around her, Rachel was diminutive. She flipped long dark blonde hair over her shoulder and looked at her phone. She made a face, as if she smelled something bad. Maybe the Doritos really were getting to her. When she got close enough, she bumped Rachel’s shoulder with her own.

  “Goddammit. I—oh.”

  Nina smiled.

  “Hey. Finally.” Rachel hugged her then took her hand and stepped back. “Damn, you look good. I want your curves but I sure as hell would never be able to pull them off.” She tilted her head slightly, looking behind Nina. A slow smile curled her lips. “I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

  “Oh, my God. Stop it.” She flushed, embarrassed and a little self-conscious.

  “I’m not lying.”

  Nina looked over her shoulder, doing a quick scan. Her face burned even hotter but she didn’t see anybody who looked remotely interested. She gave up trying. “If you say so.”

  “I do say so. You look more and more like that hot woman from Mad Men every time I see you.”

  “You mean January Jones?” She gaped at her because there was no way she looked like that. She wasn’t tall and she was far from willowy.

  “No, the really hot one, Christina something or other.”

  “Whatever. Anyway, was your bag too big for the overhead compartment?”

  “That’s what I was told.” She grabbed Nina’s hand again. “But now that I have a giant in my corner, maybe I can get through the crowd without being stepped on.”

  “I’m only a couple inches taller than you.”

  “That’s the operative word here...taller.” Rachel squeezed Nina’s hand then yanked her forward. “Don’t just stand there. C’mon.”

  They got to the front. Nina did her best to avoid the dirty looks aimed at them while Rachel took them all with a smile.

  “What am I looking for?” Nina asked.

  “Dark blue Samsonite. There it is.”

  A few minutes later, they walked briskly through the main part of the airport. Nina headed toward the entrance, but when she glanced behind her, Rachel was going the opposite way. She had to practically jog to catch up. “Where are you going?”

  Rachel pointed toward the other side of the airport. “Blue Ridge Trading and Tavern to get a drink.”

  “It’s nine thirty in the morning.”

  “So? It’s five o’clock somewhere. Besides, I just flew in from Florida. The state where people get high on bath salts, eat other people’s faces, and commit robbery dressed as turkeys.”

  Nina laughed. “But you weren’t a part of any of that craziness.”

  “I’m sure every five minutes, someone, somewhere in Florida, is becoming a weird crime statistic. I’m gonna have an amaretto sour in their name and then a shower to knock off the dust.”

  Nina shrugged and followed her. Rachel was a force of nature, and who was she to argue? They got a table in the bar and ordered.

  Rachel huffed. “I can’t believe you’re toasting my arrival with a Diet Coke. You must hear Aunt Sarah whispering in your ear all the time, like some monkey on your back.”

  “Pretty much.” Nina didn’t even think about denying it.

  “Well, while I’m here, I’m gonna scream in the other one.”

  “Please don’t. I don’t want to end up in some psych hospital.”

  “No promises.” Rachel held up her drink and grinned.

  She plucked the straw out of her Diet Coke and started chewing on it.

  “I heard that was a sign of sexual frustration.”

  She met Rachel’s gaze. “What is?”

  “The straw thing.”

  “Stop. No, it isn’t.”

  “The Internet is never wrong. How is Dishwater anyway? Do I still make his balls shrivel?”

  Nina leaned forward on the bar. “I wish you wouldn’t call him that. He’s a good guy.”

  “Dishwater or shriveled balls?” Rachel blinked at her innocently.

  “Both, and, yes, you still intimidate him.”

  Rachel shrugged but her eyes seemed to shine with amusement. “I’m not sure why. Also, I agree that he can be very sweet.”

  “Yes, he can, and he’s doing great.”

  “Mm-hmm, and how’s Hades? No, Aunt Sarah’s more of a colluder. Let’s call her Demeter.”

  Nina chuckled. “She’s fine, too.”

  “Whatever you say, Persephone.”

  “That’s a messed-up analogy.” She frowned. That was taking things a bit far, even for Rachel.

  “Sure, sure.” She finished her drink and stood. “Okay, let’s go. Your showerhead is calling me.”

  “Ew.” Nina got up as well.

  “See? Sexual frustration. I wasn’t even thinking about masturbating.” Rachel glanced over her shoulder as they exited the building.

  “Geez, Rachel.” She looked around, hoping no one else had heard.

  “But I might have to now.”

  Nina tried to be shocked, but she couldn’t, and it was funny, so she laughed, and on their way out, she realized that she hadn’t thought about Maya at all since she got to the airport. Until now. The easy rapport she shared with Rachel, she had once had with Maya. And now it was gone, and her mood darkened. Lunch was no doubt going to be difficult. But maybe this was a chance to improve things between them, and that’s the thought she carried to the car.

  **

  Nina fanned herself with the laminated menu she’d grabbed on her way through the restaurant toward the patio and leaned back into the wrought iron chair. The large red umbrella hoisted above the table helped block the sun, but nothing helped block the heat, no matter how dry it was today.

  Rachel was doing the exact same thing with her menu, and she groaned. “We just had to sit outside, huh?”

  “Rather than waiting an hour for a table inside, yes.” She eyed the group of six under the awning closer to the restaurant. They looked like they were getting ready to leave.

  Their server—white, reed thin, sporting locs, a sleeve of tattoos, and a nose ring—smiled down at them. “Welcome to UJ. Can I get you ladies a drink or appetizers?”

  Nina smiled back but befo
re she could respond, Rachel did.

  “Yes, she’ll have a glass of pinot grigio and I’ll take the house cabernet.”

  She frowned at Rachel, who smirked back.

  The server scribbled. “Anything else?”

  “Spicy egg rolls and the pimento cheese and hummus plate, please. It’s gonna be our entree.” Nina said.

  “Better make that two orders of each,” Rachel added.

  Nina sighed. The server nodded, scribbled some more, and walked away.

  “We’re eating all that?” Nina asked.

  “We are. There’s gonna be three of us, and you know I’m far from dainty.”

  Nina chuckled. “True.”

  “Speaking of which, Maya’s late. She didn’t forget about us, did she?”

  “I doubt that. Should I text her?”

  Rachel shrugged. “You know her better than I do.”

  “Not really.” It was the truth she’d come to accept.

  Instead of commenting, Rachel raised an eyebrow.

  Nina looked down Sand Hill Road as far as she could and did the same with Haywood. Traffic was moderate, as it generally was during lunch, and the sidewalk bustled with shoppers.

  “I haven’t seen her in years.” Rachel grinned.

  “Feels like I haven’t, either.”

  Rachel’s grin disappeared and she put her elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly. “C’mon girl. When are you gonna tell me what happened between you two? Though I might already have guessed, I’m still waiting to hear it from you.”

  The server returned and set their drinks in front of them.

  After thanking her, Nina moved her glass to the side, out of her direct line of sight to Rachel so they could continue their conversation, as much as she really didn’t want to. A loud group of people passed their table, prompting her to look up, and she froze. Maya was a few feet behind them, and she waved and then tugged at the collar of her V-neck T-shirt before she shoved her hands into the pockets of her shorts. She hadn’t changed a bit since Nina had last seen her, and she couldn’t stop staring. Her dark bronze skin remained smooth and unblemished, and her expression was as unflappable as ever. It seemed like just yesterday Nina had been allowed to see everything that went on behind those brown eyes.

  Something fluttered deep inside her chest and she managed to stand, her chair scraping loudly on the concrete. She took a few steps forward and Maya’s eyes lit up as she smiled, but it disappeared so quickly Nina couldn’t be sure it happened at all. She hugged her, and Maya was warm and soft, and then she suddenly wasn’t. She stiffened, patted Nina on the back of her shoulder, and stepped away, making room for awkwardness to roll in, like a wall Nina ran into. She backed away, too.

  “Hey, sorry I’m late.” Maya met Nina’s gaze.

  “It’s okay,” she said, maybe a little too quickly. “We’ve already ordered appetizers.”

  Maya nodded and looked past her toward Rachel. This time her smile was bigger and more genuine than the one Nina had gotten. A sudden coldness replaced the flutter. She went back to the table, only to see Rachel’s gaze focused on Maya.

  “It’s been a while,” Rachel said with a slow smile.

  “Couple years, at least.”

  “Maybe we’ll have time to catch up.” Rachel raised a brow and her glass.

  “Maybe.” Maya sat down.

  They’d only met a handful of times that Nina could recall, but she envied the seeming ease and familiarity between them. She wanted to be a part of it. “So how do you like working around here?” she asked, trying to start a conversation.

  Maya shrugged. “It’s pretty much going the way I expected so far. People are hesitant regarding my methods at first, and then things even out. I’ve only had one client so far, though.”

  “Why would they be skeptical?” Rachel put her arm back on the table and propped her chin up with her hand.

  “I think companies around here are used to the idea of the mountains as a backdrop for team building. I don’t do that.”

  Nina couldn’t tear her gaze away. Maya sounded so clear, confident, and warm. And it messed with her.

  The server came back with their appetizers and took Maya’s drink order. The forced lull in conversation didn’t keep Nina from feeling like she was a third wheel in a discussion she had started. Her thoughts strayed to the wedding, which, for some reason, put her on firmer, safer footing.

  “I can’t believe Saturday is my final dress fitting,” she said. “In three weeks, I’m going to be Mrs. Andrew Evans.”

  “You’re not worried about how we’re gonna look?” Rachel wagged her finger between her and Maya. “This will be our first fitting. Your other two bridesmaids are local.”

  “I know that’s not usually how it’s done, but I don’t think there’ll be a problem, since they have your measurements,” Nina said.

  Rachel snorted. “Seems like that’s something a bride would be freaking out about, but I guess you’re definitely the opposite of bridezilla.”

  She glanced at Maya, who hadn’t said anything the past couple minutes and was currently looking down at the table. The quiet extended between the three of them.

  Rachel looked from one to the other. “Uh-huh. Well, I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” She stood up and gave Nina a pointed look, but what the hell was Nina supposed to do about Maya? She couldn’t force her to talk. Or even meet her halfway. Now that they were alone, the noise of the other patrons seemed to increase, but the silence between them was cavernous.

  “Uh, so are your brothers happy to have you home?” Nina asked, trying to fill it. “You haven’t been back for a while, right?”

  “Yeah, pretty much. It’s been almost three months.” She fiddled with her glass.

  “I wasn’t sure, since there were probably times you came to town that I didn’t know about.”

  Maya dropped her gaze back to the table, and Nina wondered when the conversations between them had become so painful and bare bones. They might as well be strangers. She looked down at her hands and whispered, “I don’t understand.”

  “Understand what?” Maya sounded tired and aggravated.

  Seconds passed, another silence between them. “Nothing,” Nina said. “Sorry.” She wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for. College? The night they’d shared? The long stretches of time that they didn’t talk? She was getting married in a few weeks. She should at least do her best to bridge the gap between them.

  “Okay, fine. Nina, what exactly is going on?” The tone she had used before was gone, but she still sounded tired.

  “Look, I know that night messed something up between us, and I know what I said didn’t help any. But it’s been two years. Plenty of time to move past it. Don’t you think? All I know is I want my friend back.”

  Maya stared at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Don’t. I know you heard me.”

  She started to respond but Rachel returned, and she sat back down. “I love that their bathrooms are so clean.”

  Nina glanced at her then back at Maya.

  “Okay, then,” Rachel said, gaze bouncing from one to the other. “Do I need to go back to the bathroom?”

  Maya looked away and Nina’s stomach twisted.

  “No, I don’t think so,” Nina said, wanting to just disappear, but their conversations were even more awkward until twenty minutes later, when Maya got up.

  She reached into her pocket and tossed some cash on the table. “I need to go. Guess I’ll see you both on Saturday.”

  “Already? You’re gonna let a little awkwardness scare you away?” Rachel glanced from Maya to Nina and back again.

  Nina glared at her and Rachel shrugged.

  “Yeah. I have to go.” Maya avoided looking at either of them, then offered a tight smile to Nina.

  “Too bad,” Rachel said.

  Nina returned Maya’s smile and Rachel waved as Maya walked away, then picked up a pita square and used it to wipe up the remaining hummus. “I
’ll say this, she’s one of those women who looks better as she ages.”

  “I guess.” Nina fidgeted with her empty glass, then squeezed it hard enough to make her hand cramp.

  “So,” Rachel said. “Two things. Is the fact that you two obviously fucked back in college still supposed to be a secret, and is she seeing somebody right now?” She bit into the pita square, clearly trying to appear innocent but it didn’t work.

  Nina blinked and a tingle of apprehension shot its way down her back. “How...how did you know?”

  Rachel shrugged. “She’s a lesbian and you’re straight. It’s known to happen. Wait! Or are you bi? Why didn’t you tell me? I’m the last person that would’ve given you shit about it.”

  “Straight. Definitely straight.” Nina got the words out as fast as she could. She needed to speak them into the universe. She had worked to convince herself that her dalliances with other women in college were just that, dalliances, including the night with Maya. But she still had doubts.

  “But I said some things to her, you know, after it happened, that hurt her. We haven’t been the same since, no matter how much I apologized.”

  Rachel sat back. “Okay. Let’s think this through. I know you’re young, and I know you don’t have a lot of experience with stuff like this, but why didn’t it occur to you that there could be more behind what happened with her?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “For starters, why do you think she slept with you?”

  “I mean, we both had too much to drink, and I told her how bad my first experience with a woman was—”

  “Whoa. Hold up. What?” She grabbed her arm.

  “It was college, Rachel. Watching her and the way she was with women, I got curious.” And why wouldn’t she? Maya was beautiful and fun to be around.

  She groaned. “Oh, sweetie, that’s so cliché.”

  “What?”

  Rachel sighed. “Nothing. Go on.”

  “We kind of laughed about it and drank some more and she told me that obviously, the woman I was with didn’t know what she was doing. And then one thing led to another…” She shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, but remembering that night and how it felt when Maya kissed her and touched her caused all kinds of sensations up and down her spine. And then things progressed—she shut that down.