Big Girl Pill Read online

  Maya shrugged and moved her neck from side to side in hopes of getting rid of the tension her conversation with Terrance had left. She wasn’t successful, and the fact that she’d be driving for six to seven hours before she got to Candler clamped her up even more. Driving was usually relaxing. So was going home to North Carolina, but this damn wedding had her in knots. She had to figure something out. Maybe a little detour in Asheville would help.

  **

  Maya twisted her fingers in a corkscrew motion and slowed her thrusts. Even though Erica had green eyes and blonde hair like Nina, that’s where the similarities stopped, but tonight Maya was okay with that, no matter how pathetic it was. Erica moaned, then dipped her head back and arched upward, making her breasts the only thing Maya could see. They jiggled with each grind of her hips. Erica’s chest glistened with sweat, and in that moment, her hardened nipples looked neglected.

  Maya trailed her hand over Erica’s stomach to her right breast, brushing the peak softly with her fingertips. Then, without warning, she grasped it and pulled before gentling her caress again. Erica made a strangled sound and her movements increased in desperation. Maya’s didn’t. She wanted to savor this. That’s why she was in her own bed, in her own home. Hopefully, by the time she was done, her mind and her body would be too much like jelly to focus on anything else. Besides, they’d just started.

  “I need…I need to see you.”

  Happy to oblige, Maya went from kneeling between Erica’s legs to hovering over her before slowly pressing their bodies together. Erica grabbed Maya by the back of her neck and sank her nails in. “Look at me.”

  Maya did for a few seconds. Anything longer seemed too intimate.

  Erica wound her hand in Maya’s braids and yanked. “Look at me!”

  Shaking her head, Maya did her best to break free. Erica let go and grasped her ears instead.

  Okay. This was getting weird. Maybe savoring wasn’t the best of ideas. Maya sped up her thrusts. Hard enough to make her bed move, slamming the headboard against the wall. Maybe T wouldn’t hear a thing.

  “Shit, yes! Fuck me, Daddy!”

  Maya blinked. Erica’s eyes were closed, but they’d been open not that long ago. Surely, she’d noticed that Maya wasn’t even remotely butch. Maybe it was a black thing?

  “Right there, Daddy!”

  They were past too loud. Maya covered Erica’s mouth with her hand, only to have Erica clamp down on the fleshy part of her hand with her teeth. She snatched it away a second later. “Ow! What the hell?”

  Erica laughed. “Imma bad girl, and I’m gonna come so hard for you.”

  Well.

  Would Morgan Freeman use his Shawshank Redemption voice for a situation like this? Good ol’ Maya wasn’t expecting anything like this. Or maybe he’d be all imperial like when he played God. Maya stared at the wall. She had to do something to keep from laughing, but she shouldn’t complain, because Erica had been the one to orchestrate this little fling while the Scandal’s bartender had refilled Maya’s drink for the third time. She’d hoped that her pit stop at one of Asheville’s gay nightclubs would end up interesting and here she was. It was easy, and that was exactly what Maya needed right now. Something complication-free, from someone who’d be gone before sunrise, even if she insisted on calling Maya “Daddy.”

  **

  Later that morning, Maya repositioned her braids back into a ponytail and yawned as she shuffled into her family’s kitchen. It was early yet, a little after seven, and she had no idea why she was up. She rubbed her eyes and squinted, seeing both her brothers, one standing and the other sitting around the island.

  “Morning,” she mumbled.

  From his stool, T glared at her and went back to playing on his cellphone. She ignored him and centered on her older brother, pouring himself coffee. When he set the pot back down, she grabbed his cup and, despite knowing it was going to be way too sweet and milky, she took a big swig anyway.

  Winston swiped his mug before she could take another sip and she smacked her lips and grinned. “It’s Saturday. You’re working?” she asked.

  “You shouldn’t be surprised. He’s always working,” T said.

  “Yeah, true. Guess I’m not up all the way yet.”

  Winston gazed at her from over the rim of his cup but didn’t respond.

  “Guess not…Daddy.” T’s smile was huge.

  Maya nearly got whiplash as she turned toward him. It had been a while since she’d brought someone home while visiting, and even when she did, her brothers usually didn’t know about it. “Shut up.”

  “Hell, no, and what’s up with that? There’s nothing daddy-like about you.”

  Maya shrugged. “What can I say? I guess she was moved.”

  “What the fuck ever. Just wait—”

  “On what?” Winston retorted. “You still pretending like women are interested in you?”

  Chuckling, Maya held out her hand. “That was good. Didn’t expect that outta you.”

  “Must be something in the coffee this morning.” Winston smacked her hand before gripping at her fingers with his own.

  “I’m sure he’ll find someone eventually who likes playing geeky dice and dragons.” Maya smiled at T.

  “It’s called Dungeons and Dragons.” He stood up and shoved his phone into his pocket, then stretched. T was tall and slim just like Maya, and his hair was cut low in a stylish fade.

  “Well, that makes shit even worse,” she said. The banter and familiarity surrounding her soothed her a whole lot more than last night with Erica had.

  Winston snorted. “She got you there.”

  Maya put the teasing on hold to really look at her eldest brother. A few more patches of white had sprung up in his beard since the last time she had seen him three months ago, but it suited him and blended in with the darker hair perfectly. If he hadn’t kept his head shaved since forever, his hair would probably look the same way. She tugged playfully on his beard. “What’s up, old man?”

  His features softened, amusement in his deep brown eyes. “Same ol’ same ol’. King geek over there was right.”

  In the background, T groaned. Maya could practically feel him shooting proton beams, heat rays, or some other made-up video game shit with his eyes.

  Winston touched the tip of Maya’s chin and tilted her head slightly this way and that. “Girl, you look more and more like Mama every time I see you.”

  That was still the best compliment ever. Things had been the hardest right after the accident. Winston had taken on the huge responsibility of caring for two pre-teens with little to no help from their relatives. Back then, he’d stare at her at times and say the exact same thing and it always made her feel good, like maybe their mother was somehow still around.

  Maya might be biased, but she thought her mother had been beautiful. She’d reminded her of actress Phylicia Rashad, who had played one of America’s favorite moms, but with darker skin, a brighter smile, and sharper cheekbones. She had always smiled, and that was how Maya remembered her. The pictures hanging all over the family house and her own apartment supported that memory, and she grinned at him.

  “Especially when you do that.”

  Maya’s grin widened.

  “I agree.” T said. “And Winston’s like Daddy and Denzel all tied up in one. But you don’t do anything with it.”

  Winston squeezed Maya’s shoulder and glanced at him. “Says who?”

  “When’s the last time you talked about a woman or brought one home?” T asked teasingly.

  “Don’t sweat it. I get mine. You might wanna worry more about yourself, Urkel.”

  “Oh, damn. He’s on fire.” Maya clapped and laughed.

  “And stuck in the nineties, but whatever.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I need to go. You two can stand here and be assholes together.” Despite his words, he pulled Maya into a hug. “I’ll be home around twelve thirty.”

  “I gotta go, too. Maybe we can all do dinner tonight. I’ll co
ok.” Winston squeezed Maya’s shoulder again as T pulled away from her.

  “Lasagna?” Maya and T asked simultaneously.

  Winston laughed. “I guess. I’ll do my best to clear my afternoon and be home by two. I’ll hit up the store, especially since there’s another big mouth to feed.”

  Maya frowned. “I don’t have to take this abuse. I’m going back to bed.”

  “All right then, Papi, I’ll see you in a few.” T laughed as he left.

  “What he said.” Winston grinned, which made the lines around his eyes more prominent.

  Maya chuckled. “Bye. Have a good day.” Then she was alone, wishing she had something to occupy her Saturday morning as well.

  Chapter 2

  Nina took turns sipping from a glass of apple juice and staring at her phone. It was a few minutes past 9 a.m. and she’d yet to get a call or text from Maya. She was tempted to take the initiative, but she didn’t want to be a pain in the ass. She was so engrossed in her phone that she jumped a little when Drew put a plate in front of her.

  “We didn’t have any more cheddar, but I found some Asiago. Still tastes pretty good.” He pronounced it “ah-see-ah-joe.”

  She started to say something but he put his hands on her shoulders and massaged them lightly. She was a little tense, but not as much as she could have been, thanks to wedding planners and weekends away from twenty-five kids vying for her attention in a tiny classroom.

  She looked at the scrambled eggs, then glanced up at her fiancé. His curly dark hair stood up at angles all over his head. Nina patted him on the arm. “Asiago.” He was almost ten years older, so Nina found it a little strange that he had a habit of mispronouncing things. It was endearing. Some of the time.

  Drew shrugged and grinned, which made the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkle. “You understood what I meant, so that’s close enough.” He sat down beside her and scooted his chair closer so they could share their usual breakfast plate. Drew reached for one of the forks beside the dish and dug in. “Cinnamon rolls are still in the oven, but why wait?”

  Nina looked at her phone one last time before turning it over and pushing it away. She picked up the other fork and stabbed at the perfectly scrambled eggs. They looked creamy and fluffy, like something out of a foodie magazine, but they were missing something. She set her fork back on the plate and picked up the pepper shaker, coating their breakfast with it.

  He sighed and scratched at the morning whiskers that covered his face. “I already put paprika on ’em.”

  “Pepper and paprika aren’t the same thing.”

  “I know that, but you can barely taste the eggs if there’s too much pepper.”

  This was a disagreement they’d been having for almost two years. Nina ignored him, just like she always did, and ate her eggs with gusto.

  Drew didn’t press the issue. He never did. “I saw you looking at your phone. Maya hasn’t contacted you yet? She got in yesterday, right?”

  “Yeah, but I’m not surprised. Last time she was here, I didn’t know it until she was getting ready to go back to Tennessee.”

  “Well, that won’t be the case this time, but I still don’t get why you asked her to be in the wedding. You haven’t been close since college.”

  “Not from lack of trying. At least on my end.”

  “Text her, then. She’s gonna be here a while. Maybe you two can reconnect.”

  “You think?” She glanced at him.

  He made a face as he took another bite. “Uh-huh. For the wedding and yourself, too. I mean, you told me Maya was like a sister to you at one time. You’ve got friends, but no one like that. Now’s not the time to give up.”

  “That’s not true. I’ve gotten much closer to Rachel. That hasn’t happened since we were kids. We talk all the time n—”

  “She’s your cousin, so that doesn’t count. Plus, she’s not…normal.”

  Nina laughed. “She just has a big personality, like Maya.”

  “Well, Maya doesn’t scare me. Rachel does.” His eyes widened. “I’m glad she lives closer to the coast.”

  A loud beep interrupted their conversation and he stood. “That would be the cinnamon rolls. Get ’em out and ice them for me. I’m gonna hop in the shower.”

  “Okay.” Nina watched the play of lean muscles in his back and shoulders as he walked away.

  The timer went off again as a reminder. She grabbed her phone, got up, and set it on the counter by the stove before she put on an oven mitt. After she placed the cookie sheet on the stovetop, she picked up the icing, intent on slathering the pastries while they were still hot. But she looked at her phone again, put the icing down, and reached for her cell instead.

  She studied Maya’s picture, the one attached to her contact information. It was the same one she’d used for her since junior year, despite changing phones several times since then. It was Nina’s favorite, and in it, Maya was laughing, glowing, and happy. Her long braids brushed Maya’s shoulders and her big brown eyes were wide and bright just like her smile. Nina sighed. She missed that Maya. The one who disappeared after—she winced. After the night that shouldn’t have happened, and ever since then, Nina had marked her friendship with Maya as before that night, when everything was great, and after that night, when it wasn’t.

  Guilt nibbled at her thoughts and no matter how many times she tried to convince herself that what she’d said and done after that night was for the best, she had to keep doing it, because the attempts never stuck. Not completely.

  And, yes, they had talked plenty of times since college graduation, and even had lunch and coffee, sometimes with Drew in tow, but each interaction had been polite and bland, and nothing like the way they used to be. Talking to her mother would have been easier, and she was one of the most difficult people Nina knew.

  She glared at the phone. Doing the exact opposite with Maya was probably the better idea. For now, at least, and with Maya in particular, Nina was tired of being polite. She typed out a text.

  Tay inna wind.

  A few months after they met during sophomore year, they’d gotten high for the umpteenth time, thanks to some superb California Kush and found the movie Nell on the Internet. They’d laughed and cried, but mostly laughed. Some of the language stayed with them. Nina waited for a response or even ellipses to indicate Maya was thinking about it. After a couple of minutes, the ellipses appeared and disappeared several times, which left Nina questioning if she’d made the right move.

  Praise the. Praise the chickapee.

  Nina laughed out loud in shocked delight, relieved that she’d taken the chance, not something she did often, but Maya always had a way of bringing the wild child out in her. She put her back to the stove and looked at her phone. Her fingers hovered. She had no idea what to say next.

  Still there or did u fall asleep in ur eggs? Maya texted.

  I’m still here. She smiled as she typed. It was really nice that they hadn’t fallen back to formalities. She wanted to enjoy this while she could.

  Ok what’s up?

  Nothing just checking in with u 2 make sure u got home alrite.

  Well I’m def in 1 piece.

  Good to kno. Right then and there, Nina decided to take another chance. U wanna meet for lunch around 1 at Universal Joint?

  Can’t. Gonna hang with T.

  A tiny voice in the back of Nina’s mind urged her to ask to come along. She squashed it. If Maya wanted her there, she would have invited her.

  Tmrw? Maya texted.

  No. Church and then afternoon at my mom’s. Something like irritation washed over Nina. Maya knew exactly how she spent her Sundays, especially now that she was home on a permanent basis. Did she ask deliberately, knowing Nina had to say no?

  Maya went quiet.

  “Hey, you didn’t ice the cinnamon rolls. Now they’re all cold.”

  Nina glanced up. She hadn't heard him come back into the kitchen. That was the fastest shower ever. “They’re just cinnamon rolls,” she snap
ped.

  “I know that. I’ll just wrap them up for later. What are you doing, anyway?”

  “Texting Maya.”

  “Oh, you took my advice. Good.”

  Nina stared at him, and she wanted so much to take her frustration out on him. She didn’t. “Yeah, thanks.”

  “Anytime.” Drew wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close before planting a kiss on her forehead. “Can you at least clear the table when you get done?”

  “Sure.” Nina typed out another text. Maybe later in the week?

  The ellipses were immediate. Had she been waiting?

  Yeah we hav that lunch with Rachel so I’ll c u then.

  She hadn’t forgotten, but that was more about the wedding. Nina had meant in addition to, but she didn’t correct Maya. Regardless, her statement was a prime example of the standoffishness she had been forced to get used to as a consequence of her behavior from two years ago, and she responded in a familiar way, by giving in. What choice did she have? Ok.

  She went and stood near the table but stared at nothing and wished for the millionth time that she could rewind time and correct the past.

  She thought about the drunk sex they’d had during their senior year. Sure, she and Maya had an awkward and painful talk about it afterward and agreed to put it behind them, but everything had changed from that point on. Waking up naked with Maya had been the last time Nina had been with a woman and that somehow led her on a path toward Drew. Now everything between them was a tangle of awkwardness and, if she thought about it, regret.