Big Girl Pill Read online

  “Yeah, it is.” She looked at her watch. They had gotten to Nine Mile a little early, but now it was a couple minutes past one. She leaned to the left and watched the entrance to make sure Chloe wasn’t there waiting. Sure enough, she was. Maya stood and waved.

  Chloe waved back and weaved through the tables toward them.

  Maya scooted over and let Chloe have the seat with easier access.

  “Thanks. Sorry I’m late.” Chloe smiled at them both.

  “You’re not. We were early,” T said.

  “Okay, good.” She paused. “I feel like we’re rather comfortable with each other now, so it’s gonna have to be okay for me to say I think your brother is rude for cancelling on you last minute.”

  Maya cut her gaze to T. They shared a long knowing look. She was really starting to like this woman. “It’s very okay to say.”

  Chloe put a hand on her chest and took a deep breath. “Good. I figured if I haven’t alienated you by being caught naked in your kitchen, well…” She shrugged and T laughed, which got both Maya and Chloe going, too. From that moment on, the conversation flowed easily.

  Less than an hour later, Maya’s phone vibrated again. She flipped it over. Nina was calling. All kinds of warmth shot through her, along with a sense of relief. She glanced back at T and Chloe. “Sorry, I need to get this.”

  T shrugged and kept on talking to Chloe. Maya answered. “Hey.”

  “Hey yourself. Are you busy? What’s all that noise?” Nina asked.

  “I’m at Nine Mile with T and Winston’s girlfriend.”

  “Okay, first, I’m incredibly jealous. Their food is delicious. Second, I can just call back later.”

  “No, it’s fine, but I’m gonna step outside so we can hear each other better.” She made her way toward the exit and went out onto the sidewalk

  “I’m guessing she has on clothes this time?” Nina asked.

  “Yes, thank God.” Maya leaned against the building. “So, are you okay? Since you had that thing with your mother.”

  “I think I am. She didn’t get to me as much as she usually does. It was a weird morning altogether.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Nina didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” Maya said.

  “It’s not that. I just don’t really know how to explain it.”

  “Okay, I can understand that.” When Nina figured it out, she was fairly sure she’d be one of the first to know.

  “Are you busy tonight?” Nina asked.

  “No, why?”

  “Dinner and drinks?”

  She hesitated. She was almost sure at this point that Nina wouldn’t force Drew down her throat, but still she had to ask. “Just us?”

  “Just us. It’s my turn to cleanse my palate. Almost everyone has left a bad taste lately.”

  She tried like hell to push down the hope blooming in her chest. “Okay. Where?” Her phone beeped. She pulled it away to make sure it wasn’t T texting or calling. It was Rachel. Maya chuckled as she picked a prefabricated text and sent it to her. “She’s gonna be pissy.”

  “Who?”

  “Rachel’s calling me.”

  “Do you—”

  “No, I don’t.” Maya said, emphatic.

  “Hold on.” Nina went quiet for a few seconds. “Make that extra pissy. She just called me, too. I texted her that I was talking to you.”

  Maya laughed.

  “She’ll be fine. She can make a big entrance when she gets back to town tomorrow,” Nina said.

  “I’m sure she will.” Maya rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand. The nervous anticipation she’d been feeling lately reared its head along with a flash of heat. Talking to Nina was becoming addictive. Again. “So, where do you wanna go?”

  “Would you kill me if I said Nine Mile?”

  Maya smiled. “Not at all.”

  “Great. I’ll text you later.”

  “All right. Bye.” She hung up and stared out at the street, smiling despite her better judgment, then went back inside.

  **

  Maya showed up at the restaurant early again. There were just as many people as earlier, but this time she snagged a table closer to the front. Every few seconds, she glanced toward the entrance, thinking that she had a few things she needed to control. No long stares and no intense ones, either. Just because Nina knew how she felt didn’t mean Maya needed to constantly advertise. She squashed the voice in her head telling her this was going to lead to trouble. It was a familiar voice that she hadn’t heard in a while, but it was very opinionated, very loud, and very Oprah. Maya took a sip of water. Oprah had been her mother’s favorite.

  She looked up at the entrance, and this time Nina walked in. She had to remind herself to breathe as she waved. Nina turned Maya’s way and for the umpteenth time she tried to understand why society didn’t appreciate women with curves. Nina had them in abundance and sported them beautifully, even in a simple T-shirt and khakis. Her hair was down, and her thick blonde tresses bounced with each step. Maya suddenly realized that she was staring, so she quickly stood.

  After a few more seconds, Nina was in her arms, and Maya held on tight. No hesitation and no awkwardness. Nina was heaven, and Maya wanted to be part of it for as long as she could. They sat back down.

  “You didn’t get us any appetizers?” Nina asked.

  “I’ve been here for a while. I didn’t want anything to get cold.”

  “What? Am I late?” Nina’s nose crinkled as she glanced at her phone.

  “No, I was early.”

  When she looked up again, she noticed that Nina’s face was flushed.

  “You had to walk down?” Maya asked. It was hot outside even though it wasn’t very humid.

  “No, I found a spot out front. Someone was just pulling out.” Nina opened her menu.

  “Oh.” Maya clamped down on the sudden quiver in her stomach.

  “Coo yah with the rose dipping sauce and a cup of the ras rootzs chili.” She groaned. “I can already taste it and I can’t wait. Are you getting the empress menen salad? I love the dressing they use. I’ll share my coo yah if you do.” Nina looked at her over the top of the menu.

  Oh, yes. Maya loved Nina’s coo yah. Wait. What? She blinked. “Um. Sounds good.”

  “I feel like I should go extra spicy on my entree tonight. What about you?”

  “I did that for lunch. I’m gonna scale back. I don’t want my ass on fire.”

  Nina chuckled and set her menu aside. Why the hell was it so easy now to fall into conversation with her? Like old times.

  Almost an hour later, Maya tossed back the last of her Fat Tire beer. She was tempted to get another one. Hell, Nina had given in and had gotten another glass of the Twisted River Riesling and she was the lightweight. But she looked relaxed, and she smiled effortlessly and laughed often.

  “Dessert?” Maya asked.

  “I’d better not. I haven’t eaten this much in months.”

  She grinned. “Then you definitely need it. Three words. Chocolate. Spliff. Cake.”

  Nina groaned. “Oh, God, I can feel all that Alfredo sauce going to my thighs as we speak.”

  “So? You have nice thighs. There’s not a damn thing wrong with how you look. If Ashley Graham can rock her curves on the covers of magazines, so can you.”

  “I wish everybody thought that way.” Nina reddened, but she was smiling.

  Maya leaned forward. “You don’t need everybody to think that way. Just you.”

  “You used to say that all the time back in school,” she said, voice soft.

  “I meant it then and I mean it now.” Maya paused and took a breath. “Drew’s a lucky man. I hope to God he realizes that.”

  Their gazes met and held.

  Nina licked her lips, but she didn’t look away. “I hope he does, too.”

  Maya needed to stop this train of thought because she didn’t think she could do it as just a friend.
/>   “I’m starting to feel like there’s at least two different people living inside me,” Nina said, “and I don’t know which one I want to be real. It’s confusing. One minute I feel strong, and the next, I don’t.” She toyed with her napkin. “The other way is a lot less complicated, but when we talk or when I’m with you, it’s so much easier than anything else.”

  Maya covered Nina’s hand with her own and before she could think better of that, Nina tangled their fingers together.

  So much for putting the lid on the excessive staring. Maya felt like she was caught in a tractor beam right to Nina’s gaze. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  Nina snagged her bottom lip in her teeth and then her lips spread into a full smile. “I think I’m up for dessert.”

  Maya’s heartbeat went into overdrive and she grinned. “Me, too.”

  Thirty minutes later, Maya started her car. It had been hard to leave and she knew she was in trouble, but with the high she was on right now, it felt like the good kind.

  Chapter 10

  Nina unlocked the door to her apartment and left it open as Drew trailed in behind her. She kept walking toward her bedroom intent on getting out of her church outfit, which was only a modest pink dress, but it was stifling her. Thankfully, she’d gotten a pass from their usual after-church activities with her mother because she had to pick Rachel up from the airport.

  She sat on the edge of the bed, pulled off her shoes, and rubbed her right foot. Church was the only place she wore heels and they invariably hurt her feet. Drew leaned against the door staring at her as he’d done all through the service. They may have been barely speaking but he’d arrived nearly the same time she had and sat next to her like everything was right in the world. Her mother’s words echoed in her head. “Appearances are everything.” At least they were to Sarah, and Nina was starting to understand that they were also important to Drew.

  “You have clothes here if you want to change,” she said.

  “Okay.” His voice was soft. “Is Rachel staying here?”

  “Yes, she has the next couple of weeks off.” She looked him straight in the eyes as she answered him.

  He sighed, making a show of it. “She makes plenty of money. She can stay in a hotel.” He loomed over her and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. His stance had an air of finality about it.

  Irritation raced through Nina. She didn’t like his tone and she didn’t feel like arguing with him. She also wanted to undress, but she didn’t feel comfortable doing it in front of him. “She’s part of my family and none of this is new. That’s been the plan for a while.” She kept her voice steady.

  “That was before.”

  “Before what?”

  “Before her bad influence. Look what she’s done to you. The Nina I know would have never—”

  “Never what, Drew? Talked back? Told you no?” She practically spat the words.

  “No. That’s not what I meant.” He paused and looked down at the floor. “But you are usually more...agreeable.”

  Nina didn’t know what to say to that, but for some reason laughter filled her chest and came tumbling out of her mouth.

  “See?” He pointed at her. “What’s going on with you?”

  “Nothing. But you can’t expect me to say yes to you all the time.” Even though that was exactly what she had done for the duration of their relationship. “Rachel has nothing to do with anything, and before you bring her up, neither does Maya.”

  “What does Maya—” Drew’s eyes widened. “Have they been talking about me? Influencing you somehow?”

  “No.” That was a little bit of a lie. Rachel had been dropping hints about him for what seemed like forever, and it was surprising that she hadn’t just come out and said it, though she suspected it was coming, the closer they got to the wedding. She stood and walked into her closet. “I have my own mind, Drew,” she called over her shoulder. She unbuttoned the dress and pulled it over her head. When she looked up again, he was in her closet doorway and she mushed the dress to her chest. She wasn’t naked, but definitely self-conscious.

  His eyes narrowed slightly. “I know you have your own mind, but that dinner with the principal was important to me.”

  “And Maya is important to me. You know that. You’ve always known that, even when things weren’t right between me and her.”

  His whole body seemed to deflate. “I know, but there was a surprise to go with dinner.” He smiled. “The principal is the co-chair of the teachers’ committee. He said you’re pretty much a shoo-in. As a favor to me, he did an early head count and it’s almost unanimous. Opening it up for other nominees is…” He had to have been speaking in another language at that point because Nina didn’t register a word he said.

  Cold raced down her spine and Nina’s heart seemed to beat so hard that she couldn’t hear anything else. She stared at him until he started to blur, and that’s when the anger came, like an unwelcome visitor, it needed to get out. So, she let it. “What did you just say?”

  He smiled, smug. “I said you’re in. Everything else is just a formality.”

  “I didn’t want that.” Her tone was low, choked. She tried to breathe but her chest was constricted.

  He frowned. “But I told you—”

  “No! I told you!” She moved forward but he stepped back. For once she’d said what she wanted, loud and clear. Even then, he hadn’t listened, as if what she wanted meant nothing.

  “I was just trying to do what was best for you. Best for us.”

  Clarity rang through her like a bell. Drew was her handler, and she had allowed it. “I need you to leave.”

  “What? Are you serious?” He put his hands on his hips and glared at her.

  “Get out.” She pointed toward the door. Her dress fell to the floor, but she didn’t give a damn.

  He flinched and backed away. “But—”

  “Now.” She was practically shaking with rage.

  There must have been something in her face or maybe in her voice, but he went from red to pale. Without another word, he left and she sagged against the wall, tears clouding her vision and then she sobbed, kneading her stomach as if that could help loosen the knots it was tied in. Drew wanted a submissive, malleable woman, and for a long time, Nina had been willing to be that woman. With less than two weeks until the wedding, she knew that she didn’t want to be that person anymore, but it might be too late. She slid to the floor and cried until she had nothing left.

  **

  Nina stopped at a red light near the Western North Carolina Agricultural Center and looked out at the mountain range in the distance. Clouds hung low, making the view haunting but beautiful. Rachel stared at her. Nina felt it. She glanced toward her anyway, and Rachel’s expression was expectant.

  “That’s it. I told him to leave and he did.”

  “Okay, but you’re way too calm. The whole time you were talking, it sounded like you were reading a book in a robot voice.”

  Someone behind them honked a horn. The light had turned green. Nina lurched her car forward. “You know I’m not an emotional person.”

  Rachel let out a sharp laugh. “That is utter bullshit, and I bet you Maya would say the same.”

  “That’s diff—”

  “Bullshit again. Drew is the man you’re supposed to love and who you’re planning to marry. Maya is your best friend who you’ve fucked. You’re supposed to be affected by the first situation a lot more, since he’s supposed to be your husband. The guy you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. Do you even love him?”

  She tightened her grip on the steering wheel. She cared about him, and her mother approved of him, which equated to no conflict or confrontation. And, until recently, they had never argued. She valued his guidance in some instances, and he always seemed to have her best interests at heart. A decent mutual attraction somehow stemmed from all that. They seemed to fit, and he agreed. When he’d proposed, he’d said those exact words. “We fit
.” He never said “I love you.” There’d been no fanfare. No knee-bending. They’d been sitting at her dining room table, eating scrambled cheese eggs loaded with paprika.

  “I’m gonna go with no. You’re taking way too long to answer,” Rachel said.

  “I care. He’s a sweet man.”

  “Who wants to lead you around by the nose. I’ve been dropping hints about him forever, but I hoped like hell you’d see it for yourself.”

  They came to another red light and Nina turned her head to meet Rachel’s gaze.

  “Oh, shit. You knew what he was about, didn’t you? All this time. And you still went along with it. God, Nina. I’m not trying to shame you. I know some women want that, but you’re...you. Look where you come from. Your mom doesn’t take shit. Hell, she invents shit to kick out of the way. I won’t even get into how she treats you.”

  Nina looked out the windshield at the traffic speeding past. Her mother’s words, actions, and demands had a way of wearing her down until she felt tiny and exposed, like a bug scampering away from a boot. Appeasement lessened this effect but didn’t extinguish it. She wasn’t sure anything would, but it made life bearable. “Going along with things seemed like the better alternative.”

  The light turned green.

  Rachel snorted. “I don’t think you really believe that anymore. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have kicked Drew out, but I guess dealing with your mom is a different story altogether. You’ve only known Drew for a couple years, which probably made things easier, but your mom has been there all your life.”

  “I don’t know what I believe,” Nina said. She didn’t even want to think about her mother right now.

  “Have you talked to Maya yet? Does she know about this?”

  “No, I told her last night that I’d call her after I picked you up from the airport.”

  “She’s gonna be pissed that he upset you so much. I guarantee it.”

  As if someone had slammed on her car’s brakes, Nina’s thoughts about Drew and their predicament came to a screeching halt as her mind turned to Maya. “Can I tell you something?” She took a quick glance at Rachel before looking back at the road to merge onto the interstate. “I’m not trying to change the subject or anything.”