Big Girl Pill Read online

  Nina didn’t respond, though she silently agreed.

  “She’s in her room getting ready for an afternoon client. You remember how to get there, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. And I swear, if you hurt her…” His expression did not bode well for her. Then, he left her alone in the living room, which looked exactly as she remembered it. Big screen TV, gray leather sectional, and the dark, rustic wooden coffee table with the liftable top. The family photos still hung on the walls, making it seem that Maya’s parents were always watching over the family and the house.

  She took a deep breath and went to Maya’s room because there was no going back at this point, and she’d either leave completely shattered or at least a little hopeful.

  **

  Maya leaned toward the bathroom mirror and continued to put on her makeup. It wasn’t much, but it never was. More of a dusting plus lipstick. Etta James’s “Sugar on the Floor” started playing, and Maya stopped and closed her eyes as she listened to the pain in Etta’s voice. When Maya opened her eyes, she saw sadness, but she didn’t dare cry, no matter how bad she felt.

  She had never intended to put herself out there, all exposed and vulnerable like that. She hadn’t intended to say anything, but she did and things went sideways from there, and she had practically run out of the dress shop. She was also pretty sure she was no longer invited to the wedding. Now that is some tragic shit, came Samuel L. Jackson’s voice in her head. He was definitely the only person who could effectively relay her mood in times like these.

  Congrats, motherfucker, for cutting your heart open and bleeding out all over that dress shop floor.

  Her phone stuttered mid-song. Maya looked at it and the text from T.

  Nina’s bout 2 knock on ur door. I was pretty sure not tellin u would b the shitty side of rude.

  What the fuck?

  She stared at the text, and her stomach filled with a weird combination of anxiety, hope, and resignation. She turned off the music and stepped back into her room to make sure it was presentable. Too late. She heard Nina knocking.

  “Maya, please. I know you probably don’t want to see me, but can you please try?”

  She took a deep breath, then opened the door. Nina’s fist was raised and poised to knock again.

  They stared at each other.

  Everything inside Maya paused and then started up again with vehemence. For a moment, she was dizzy.

  “Um, can I come in?” Nina asked, stress evident in her expression.

  Maya hesitated. There were a few ways to respond to Nina’s question. Not all of them were nice.

  “Please don’t slam the door in my face. Terrance already did.”

  Well, maybe she wouldn’t rip him a completely new asshole. “Huh. Really?”

  “Granted, he thought I wasn’t real at first, but it’s obvious he doesn’t like me right now, so I’m glad he let me in. And I don’t want to waste this chance.”

  Maya blinked. “Say what, now?”

  “Never mind. Can I come in, please? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, and I know you have to work, so…”

  “I guess that makes two of us.” She opened the door wider and Nina brushed past her. Their shoulders touched, and it was just enough contact for her body to flash with heat. She moved back toward her bed to put some physical distance between them, matching the emotional one.

  “So, I guess I’m not a bridesmaid anymore.”

  “No. I mean yes.” Nina sighed and looked at the ceiling, then back at her. “Do you want to be?”

  Maya frowned. “Do I want to be what? In or out?”

  “Both? I mean—I guess you should do what’s best for you. I don’t want to keep hurting you.”

  “But you’re here. You don’t think that hurts?”

  “It does, I know. And I don’t mean to be selfish, but I’ve been wishy-washy about us, about you for a long time. When I finally got the nerve to really try to fix things between us—”

  “I blow it by telling you how I feel,” Maya said, her tone dull.

  “I don’t agree, but is that what you wanted? To blow everything?”

  “I don’t know.” Did she? Had she wanted to say that to get out of dealing with the wedding? “Maybe.” Or maybe she just wanted to finally get everything out in the open.

  “So, if you stay a bridesmaid, where do we go from here?”

  Maya let out a strained laugh. “You get married and I go back to Tennessee. What else is there to do?”

  Pain flashed in Nina’s eyes. “Maya, no. The lunches, the texts, the phone calls were few and far between, but they all meant something to me. It wasn’t the same as before, but you were there. This time…” She shook her head and her lips trembled as well, and her acknowledgment of a possible end between them added another layer of tension to the stress she’d been carrying the last few days. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, which didn’t work, so she looked away, then back at Nina.

  Their gazes met, and Nina’s eyes glistened with tears. “I can’t be in the wedding,” Maya finally said. She couldn’t just leave, either, though it was the right thing to do. Maya swallowed, hard. “But we can—”

  Before she could finish, Maya’s arms were full of Nina and she held on tight, memorizing the feel of her, the heat of her, how she smelled and sounded. Nina trembled, and Maya automatically tangled her hand in her hair and pulled her harder against her chest. This was such the wrong thing to do, but at the same time, so fucking right, and if it was the last thing that happened between them, she’d learn to accept it. She had to move forward. They both did. She was tired of being stuck. She couldn’t hurt more than she already did. So, the only way out was to power through the pain and keep on living with the good choices and the bad ones.

  “I know you have to leave for work soon, but can we stay like this for a few more minutes?”

  “Yeah, we can do that.” She tightened her hold a little and allowed herself to sink into the moment.

  **

  Maya glanced at her phone as she merged onto the interstate. Instead of texting Rachel back, she used her Bluetooth to call her and she answered immediately. “So, I just got off the phone with Nina.”

  Maya steeled herself for a lecture or some type of judgment. “Yeah?”

  “What you’re doing takes some major balls. Must be hard to walk.”

  “Yes, they really pull.”

  Rachel laughed. “I imagine so, but I just wanted to let you know that you’ll get no judgment from me. Just find some way in all this to take care of yourself.”

  Maya’s chest filled with gratitude. She barely knew Rachel, but it sure as hell felt like a lot longer. “Okay. How was she?”

  “Happy that your friendship is for the most part intact, but scared that she’s going to keep hurting you, which was probably the same way she was when you talked. Right?”

  “Right.”

  “I’ll be back next Thursday, but I’m gonna blow your phone up ’til then, just to let you know.”

  Maya chuckled. “I figured.”

  “It’s weird.”

  “What is?”

  “Not fucking you again turned out to be a good choice.”

  “Well, I would’ve had to be willing.” She edged into the fast lane to pass the car in front of her.

  “Let’s just say it was a joint decision.”

  “Whatever makes you feel better.”

  “So—ugh, I can’t even flirt. Feels wrong, but I have to say. I’m liking this friendship thing, regardless.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Okay, I’ve got another call. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Yeah, later.” After hanging up, Maya hit the CD button on the car stereo. Robert Cray serenaded her again and she relaxed against the seat, trying not to think too hard about what she was doing with regard to Nina and just let things unfold. Eventually, she’d get over her and they’d remain friends.

  But, somehow, she wasn�
��t at all sure about that.

  Chapter 8

  When Maya’s phone rang, she wasn’t surprised to see Nina’s name on the caller ID. They’d talked a lot since jumping over that giant hurdle two days ago. For her, it was like going from famine to feast, pulled in two very different directions. Part of her enjoyed the return to friendship status quo, but another part recoiled in pain and vibrated with want when Nina laughed or brought up old times. Maya answered her phone and put it on speaker. “Morning.”

  “It’s not too early, is it?” Nina asked, sounding somewhere between hesitant and hopeful.

  “Nope. I have an appointment in a couple hours.” She set her cell on the bathroom counter and gathered her braids into a bun.

  “I’m getting ready for work, too. I’m running late, though. My alarm went off, but I didn’t hear it. I’m sure staying on the phone ’til after one with you didn’t help. Not that I’m complaining.”

  “So, he didn’t have a prob—” Maya didn’t complete her question. She really didn’t want to know how Drew felt about her relationship with Nina. Not wanting to see the expression on her own face, she turned away from the mirror and walked back into the bedroom, bringing the phone with her.

  Nina was quiet for a few seconds. “He wasn’t here. He’s not always around. Why would he have a problem if he had been here? Besides, it’s okay. You can ask about him if you want.”

  “I get that he’s a part of your life, but it’s not something I can talk about like the weather. I mean, it’s different, I guess, if you need to vent or need advice on relationships, even though I don’t know shit about keeping one going.” She stayed away from Nina’s question. She wasn’t touching that one with any kind of pole and it was up to Nina to figure out Drew on her own.

  “I wouldn’t do that to you,” Nina said softly. “I’ve made too many mistakes concerning you. I’m more aware of that than I’ve ever been. I’m sorry.”

  “Stop apologizing. I know you are.” Shit, if they could fix the past, none of this mess would have happened. “Actions speak louder than words. You’ve said your piece.”

  “I hope so.” She paused. “Can I ask a question? I’ve been working my way toward it, but if I don’t ask it now, there’s no telling when I will.”

  Maya bit back a sigh and guessed this was going to be personal. “Okay.”

  “It’s about you and Rachel.”

  “What about us?”

  “Was she just like me and some of the other women?”

  Maya sat down on her bed, confused, but the question brought a wave of heat with it as well. Rachel had been a fun, mindless fuck just when she’d needed one. Nina, on the other hand, had been...everything. “Um, she was, but you know by now that you were—”

  “I know. I just meant it as a blanket statement since I was technically one of the women you had sex with.”

  “Why are you asking? I told you at the dress shop exactly what happened between us.”

  “I—I don’t know.” She sounded flustered. “I guess because emotions were so high that day, maybe I wasn’t sure.”

  Maya wanted to dig deeper, but didn’t. She’d never hear what she wanted, and it really did her no good to get her hopes up. “Oh, okay.”

  “Despite everything, I’m really surprised you’re single. Women were always beating down your door.”

  Well, that was hard to do if the door was locked. “They do when I want them to.”

  Nina chuckled. “Ah, there’s that arrogance,” she teased. “Such a Maya thing to say.”

  For a second, Maya closed her eyes. Nina had loved the way her arrogance transitioned to the bedroom. She had done everything Maya had told her to and by the time she came, Nina had been a trembling mess. Despite the pleasant memories, a stab of pain brought her back to reality. Maya fought it. “Maybe.”

  “There’s no maybe about it. Besides thinking you were hot, some of them loved that you were so confident.”

  “Wait. You actually talked to them? Did they fill out a questionnaire or something?” What the hell?

  “You didn’t mind making out in front of me and let’s not forget that you had a problem with locking your apartment door. The girls who paid attention remembered me, and they always had questions about you. Just turned out that I had a few of my own. I was curious.”

  She stared at the wall on the other side of her bedroom. Assumptions filled her head, but she needed to be sure. Maya wanted to hear Nina say it. “So, you’re saying that watching me with other women piqued your curiosity?”

  “More like it woke me up.”

  Maya’s stomach seemed to twist. For some reason, knowing this added all kinds of fuel to the fire she was trying to keep under control, but at the same time, it settled her, in a strange-ass dichotomy.

  Nina cleared her throat. “Uh, I’ve been thinking. I know things are still a little awkward with us, but hanging out in person might help with that.”

  “I don’t know. For right now, this just seems easier.” She was able to keep her feelings in check over the phone, but doing it face to face? She wasn’t a magician.

  “Oh, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or anything.” She sounded worried.

  “You didn’t.” Maya stood and headed toward her bedroom door.

  “It can’t stay like this forever, Maya.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like this. Refusing to see each other.”

  “I know that, but I don’t want to force it. Right now, things are good, and it works for me. You’re gonna have to accept that because this whole thing has been painful and I can’t just stop what I’m feeling.”

  Nina didn’t respond right away. “Okay, you’re right. It is better than it was. It felt like we were stuck in some kind of weird loop before.”

  “We kinda were.”

  “I hear you. I just...we’ve been reminiscing. I want some new memories to share.”

  Maya wanted that as well because she was going to need something to hang onto after the wedding. “I get it.” She walked to the living room, noting that the morning light was considerably bright though it was so early. “I’m just going to need a little bit of time.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” Nina went on to talk a little about her students and Maya went to the kitchen.

  The second she stepped through the doorway, she nearly dropped her phone.

  She closed her eyes, trying to convince herself that she had to be seeing things. But when she opened them again, the image was still there playing out in high definition. A dark-haired woman sat moaning on top of the kitchen island, propped on her elbows. Her torso was clothed but the rest of her was not, which was fortunate for her since Winston’s face was fused to her pussy.

  “Oh. My. Fucking. God,” Maya finally managed to say.

  Winston jerked away from the woman while she scrambled away from him. He wiped his mouth and Maya died a little inside.

  “Bro, seriously? Ugh.”

  “I—it’s not what it looks like,” Winston said, eyes wide.

  “It damn sure was.” Maya said as the woman gathered her clothing off the floor and held it in front of her crotch.

  “Maya? Are you okay?” Nina asked on the phone.

  “I will never unsee what I just saw,” she responded.

  “What’s happening?”

  “Winston. In the kitchen doing things to some woman,” Maya said.

  “What?” Nina became background noise and Winston gaped at her while the woman shrugged and smiled.

  “Give me a minute,” Maya said. “Family situation here.” She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or yell at him. “What the actual fuck.”

  “Um. Maya, hey. Didn’t think you’d be up this early.”

  “Yeah, well, I’d generally say the same about you.”

  The woman smiled again and seemed to be trying not to laugh.

  “This isn’t the way I wanted you to meet.” He attempted a smile, but it came out more as a grimace.

  “I fuc
king hope not.”

  The woman, got dressed without a word, but she was still smiling.

  “What the hell’s going on? Why are you yelling?” T asked as he entered the kitchen.

  Maya glanced at him as he shuffled toward one of the counters. He yawned and stretched. “Anybody make coffee?”

  No one responded.

  T walked past her toward the refrigerator. He got out the orange juice and drank directly from the jug. After wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he looked around the room. “Well, one of these things is not like the other. Since no one else is talking, I’ll just ask the stranger what’s going on.” He smiled and held out his hand toward her. “Hi. I’m Terrance. The brother.”

  She shook it. “Hi.”

  Maya cringed. Who knew where her hands had been? Wait. She could guess. Oh, God.

  “So, are you with my rude-ass twin over there?” He tilted his head toward Maya.

  “Um, no.” She pointed at Winston and T’s eyes widened.

  “Oh, shit. Really?”

  She smiled. “Really.”

  Winston cleared his throat. “Okay, so consider this a formal introduction.” He put his arm around the woman. “T and Maya, this is Chloe.” His smile was big enough to swallow them all. Maya had never seen him so happy. Then again, she probably had that same expression after burying her face—oh, God. There wasn’t enough brain bleach to erase the image of her brother going down on Chloe. On the kitchen island. There wasn’t enough bleach for that, either.

  “It’s nice to meet you both,” Chloe said. “Win talks about you nonstop.”

  Maya glanced at T. She mouthed, “Win,” and he rolled his eyes and nodded. “Well,” Maya said, “we have no idea who you are, but we won’t hold it or anything else against you.”

  Winston sighed.

  “I missed something, didn’t I?” Terrance said, laughing.

  “No comment.” Maya gave Winston an epic side-eye.

  “Hello,” Nina announced. “Either hang up or give me more details.”

  “Oh, shit.” Maya took her phone off speaker and put it to her ear. “Hey, sorry. I forgot you were there.”

  “It’s okay. I was busy trying to listen.”

  “You heard?” Maya stifled a laugh.